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April 1st, 2009 (10:25 pm)

I have some new friends. I really have fallen in love with them all, because they are so fascinating and sweet...
I have a friend named Stacy. She is not at all what she appears. But yet, if you ask, she will tell you nearly her deepest secrets without being afraid of you. She is exciting and insightful and very loving.
I have a friend named Jess. Her bubbly, sweet, warm personality warms the darkest of conversations. She is incredibly bright, and creative. She enjoys making art, and has fantastic interior decorating style, and beautiful true-green eyes. She has a particular way of telling stories, which is entertaining. Her boyfriend is also fascinating and wonderful.
I have a friend named Holly. She is incredibly knowledgeable about psychology, plants, animal behaviors, symbolism, history, and the local scene. She is fabulously warm and amazing, and I really feel honored to have such a brilliant, knowledgeable friend. Her boyfriend is also fascinating and wonderful.
I have a friend named Kate. She has been through an incredible amount of shit during her life, and yet she is really just a person, and a person with a witty sense of humor and a unique way of looking at the world. She has gorgeous hair and eyes like mine, and she is an everybody's friend kind of person. She is the kind of person you can be next to and not feel awkward if you're not talking.
I have a friend named Kyle who tells it like it is. He spends no time beating around the bush. He spends his time partying in an utter balance with studying, which might tip. He has love for everyone, whether they are in his life or not. He is the kind of person who makes it look like he's not even trying, and then the next minute you find out he was doing more work than anybody.
I have a friend names TJ who is going to be a veterinarian. He just bought a house. He is patient and adorably sweet, and yet incredibly respectful as a friend. He is the kind of person I don't have to worry about talking about my boyfriend to. He is like a best-friend substitute when we are hanging out, but in a good way and not a bad way.
I have a friend named Victor, who is the most gracious guy I know. He is incredibly caring for his younger sister. He is very culturally knowledgeable, and beautiful.

(no subject)

March 19th, 2009 (06:57 pm)

I want a guy who is concerned about the environment.
I want a guy from a good,nice family.
I want a guy who is not obsesse with religion.
I want a guy I can really talk to and don't have to dumb things down to his level.
I want a guy who will inspire me.
I want a guy who will take me out, btu I don't have to see every day when I'm busy working.
I want a guy who doesn't get in my business.
I want a guy who is gung-ho to make plans with me.
And does his share of the planning.
Who is capable of going on vacations.
And taking me with him.
Who doesn't spend his money on drugs.
I want a guy who is easy-going.
I want a THIN guy.
I want a girly guy who takes care of his appearance.
I want a guy who is patient and works things out.
I want a back rub--- a real one--- when I need it.
I want a lively boyfriend who is doing things without me.
I want a boyfriend who has friends.
I want a boyfriend who is multicultural.
I want a very polite boyfriend.
Who does't say vulgar things that would offend people.
I want a disciplined boyfriend.
Somebody who does things for himself.
I want a guy who can relax.
I want a guy who doesn't have gas. Hahaha.
I want a boyfriend who has a romantic mind.
I want someone I can truly open up to.
Someone who understands the dark side.
I want a boyfriend who is fascinating and likes to do a lot of things.
I want a boyfriend who is really into me...
And how I look...
And doesn't talk to me while I'm working.
I want a guy who is discreet.

(no subject)

March 16th, 2009 (11:04 am)

I have decided to stay home for spring break. I found my answer in my uncle and some chopped up bark. Yes, that is strange and I didn't want to pay attention to it, but the signs are showing me that my work is done in Memphis, and that I should stay home. This sounds superstitious and unlike me, but I am very tired.

(no subject)

March 13th, 2009 (07:15 pm)

I can't decide whether or not to go on this trip. I think that maybe I should stay home.

(no subject)

March 12th, 2009 (04:39 am)

I love my dog. If anything ever happened to her, I would be so sad. If she died, I would probably go into a depression that would be hard to return from. I love her so much. She is always around to make me laugh. She eats my food, and does tricks, and is always happy to see me when I come home. She sleeps on my bed...
The singer for Sublime's dalmation ran away, and he got addicted to heroin and died from it as a result. I hope I wouldn't be like that, but I can see why. I'm really tired...

(no subject)

March 9th, 2009 (10:45 am)

Should I leave my boyfriend for an entire spring break and go to Memphis, Tennessee to improve my resume and have a good time, or should I stay home and sleep? Regardless, I'm going to have to do a lot of work. If I go, he may have to skip a whole week of work, which he might be able to do if he works for the guy he shares his job with on Sunday, which he doesn't want to do.

(no subject)

March 8th, 2009 (08:20 pm)

So I've been sick the past couple weeks hence why I haven't been around. However, now I am feeling relatively good and ready for action. Today we got a new line of products at work. It makes me want to make up my own products, and sell them to people at a discounted price. We got reusable water canteens, and they are pink and cute cute cute. I've been thinking that when I graduate, I am going to become much more interested in beauty and what to do about it. I'm always having to do something for school. I had to write this like 40 page report for biophotonics, and I'm just lucky that my hands quit hurting. I had to take a few days off of the computer because my hands couldn't take it. I just hooked up my Ipod from Christmas, finally. Now I can listen to music in my car that isn't mindless garbage! I picked songs that were about staying together, and songs that have something to Say. I love meaningful songs. I picked a few songs that make me cry. It is so important to me to continually hear the right messages, and genuine songs, not corporately mass-produced crap...
I was PMS-ing last night, and drove to my boyfriend's place at 3AM or so. I don't know if we're going to stay together forever or not. I kind of wish that I could keep him as my best friend, but also date other people, but it just doesn't work like that. I like Yoko Ono's idea that perhaps everyone could love everyone else completely. It is a profound idea, which can too easily be dismissed by practical people.
Ever since the day I had benadryl for my hives when I was sick, I have been doing nicer things for people. I shared my notes, and helped someone escape a parking ticket. Then I volunteered at the greenhouse at my college. That same day, I found one of the pieces of my communion rosary at random when I was helping somebody out. I personally felt that this was symbolic of my recovery from the time that it fell apart, although I don't feel that I was a bad person at the time. I truly believe that in order to help people, you must have things together yourself, and you can't do it otherwise. Some people you just can't expect to be helpful, because they don't have it together yet. Of course, helping somebody else can help you out a little bit, but in the end, you are the person who really needs the help.
I am settling down in a way. I made it a point to say nothing but mature things to my mother recently. I wanted her to see the maturity in me. I talked about work, about my boyfriend, about my schoolwork, and my car, and my schedule, and whatever else... Babies, kids, laundry and my room, and my pets. She didn't see it for a long time. She always picked out the immature things. If I told her what I had taken care of, she would talk about what I still need to do. But today, it was different.
I think the clincher was when I thanked my parents for my education. I was looking at my Biophotonics lab report, and I thought, How much of this would I understand if I hadn't gone to college? The answer was nothing. She said that I have come into my own. I felt like she handed me the flag or something like that, so to speak. I am an adult. I felt like I was never really an adult unless my parents gave me the "ok"... Either that or maybe if I had sex or something. I also put my foot down about my mom wanting me to date other people, and I told her I might stay with my current boyfriend.
I don't think I want to have sex until I'm 25 or so. I worry that this is not good for my boyfriend, and that he might not wait around for me. But it's really not the case. He is happy with what he's got. I want to make the right decisions. Sometimes I am torn between the idea of waiting for marriage and the "right moment"... I thought that there would be some moment at which I would be ready, but I haven't had that experience.
There are moments this semester when I look at the information and think, will this be the last thing I ever learn about fill-in-the blank (bonding orbitals)? I am already seeing the ending, as I move farther and farther apart from my protestors and radical left friends. The separation is not what I want... I want to be a part of this unique world, in which symbolism and literature are alive. I don't want to leave the world of upperclasspersons, who are interesting and not petty.
In short, I fear the collapse of my brain, as I have built it up like a marathon runner builds stamina for running, I run my own study-marathons, searching for the finish line of an exam. I fear that all I have built will atrophy in the absence of the essential one-half of my education. The second half, the common knowledge shared over the internet, will seem to be the source providing half of the answers, and even fewer of the questions necessary for growth.

I think that in the past, my playlist would have made me gag. I never used to listen to love songs, but instead motivational songs. I still like the songs I used to like, but I like the idea of a world where people stay together, instead of all this promiscuous bullshit. I don't think it's good for people to be hearing that stuff all the time. It doesn't matter if it's what other people like, they're wrong. They shouldn't be singing about that petty stuff. They should be singing about how they are going to make it, and how they love each other, and how they're going to keep a positive attitude.

Playlist:
You Are the Sunshine of My Life-Stevie Wonder
Sing a Song - Earth Wind and Fire
Look No Further- Dido
Thank You-Natalie Merchant
Let's Stay Together- Al Green
We Are One-Kelly Sweet

(no subject)

February 28th, 2009 (12:08 pm)

Bloop Bloop Bloop.

I gave up waking up late, the radio, all meat besides fish & eggs, and buying overpriced food at school.

Writer's Block: Daily Grind

February 25th, 2009 (08:42 pm)

Describe your morning routine.
1.) hit snooze on my alarm clock at least once.
I wake up and lay in bed until I feel I have to get up.
I start running some bathwater so that I can warm myself up in it. This is my incentive and  consolation prize for getting out of bed.
Meanwhile, I grab clothes from a bag in the closet, and find out what I'm wearing today. This is kind of fun and convenient because I don't have to search for clothes.
I feed the fish, tapping on the glass and making sure they're alive and healthy. I can usually be found saying things like, "Eat! Live! Eat your damn food you stupid fish!" And shaking the tank. My fish like to sleep in I guess. 
I hop in the tub and try to warm up, and sometimes almost fall asleep again! I remind myself how nice it is to have Dr. Bronner' soaps, and all-natural shampoos, though washing my hair takes an extra 10 minutes that I don't have. It atill doesn't make up for my lack of sleep,despite how nice it is. 
Once I feel that I absolutely have to, I get out with a towel, but I go get in bed again. Can't fall asleep again! I open my laptop. At this point, I think I might have an extra moment to check my email or do some last-minute studying. I finally get dressed, feeling relatively fresh and clean, and then actually become warm. I put in my contacts, and worry about my wrinkles. I brush my teeth with a vibrating tooth brush, and floss. Then I apply mascara, and occasionally eye shadow based on how late I am according to my bathroom clock. 
My body and mind refuse to rush, as thy know that I have done this many times, and will do this many times in the future. This is in no way an emergency, just an exercise in finding the medium between my personal time, and getting to class on time. 
My mom says hi to me, or my dog bothers me while I am still in the bathroom. I let my dog in/out of my room. I water my myriad plants in my room, taking not of the health of each of them, looking at the tiny spider I have allowed to makes a home here since last summer, and observe my aloe's slime mold, and check my sprouting potato for signs of rot.
I go downstairs and back upstairs to gather my supplies that was spilled from the night before. I root around for my keys and phone. I drink a cup or two of juice and rinse the cup out in the sink. I consider whether or not to drink an herbal tea, and most often I decide against it, because at this point, I feel awake and fine. I will regret this and other hasty decisions in about 3 hours, and I know it, but I leave it anyway. I grab one of two coats, and decide whether or not there's anything worth eating on the go. I pet my dog and say, "Bye-bye Lazy, bye-bye girl!" every single morning.
Then I step into my car, check the time, and evaluate which route to take and where to park based on that. I think about how I should have woken up sooner. I concentrate on getting to class on time, avoiding police cars, and changing the radio station, most frequently without finding a single good song the entire way to school. I sing as I walk or hustle to class, thinking about peak human experience/performance. I am between 30 seconds and 2 minutes late. Goal: failed again.

(no subject)

February 25th, 2009 (08:23 pm)
Tags:

My hands have been hurting for a couple weeks. I'm thinking I'm developing arthritis from typing all the time.

So there are a ton of cute guys in my classes, and I want to date them all. But I would have to break up with my boyfriend to do it. What kind of dingleberries is that? I can't believe I am this much of a pig. My mom wants us to break up.